Hi Blue!

It is me, or I've been really blue lately. I think it's one of my sudden mood attacks. Ugh, I'm starting to think that I'm Bi-Polar or something. *wenkz*

Sigh. sigh. Me all being dramatic again. I'm not really sure what caused this. Oh, maybe I do. But I just don't want anyone to know about it.

There are days when you feel like you know, you just feel that you don't belong to anything at all. That everything seems so cold and dark for you. It's like everyone is hiding their own impression of you. You know, those days? Do you have those too?

I know that there are a lot of people who can help me, but sometimes when  I ask for their advice or for their  insights I don't feel that it's the right thing to hear at the moment.

All that I know is that I'm hurt and I'm deeply affected of the things that has happened. I tried to brush it off, but ugh, to no avail I just can't seem to do it wholly. There's always this small piece that'll get left behind and then it'll expand again making the scar deeper.

Why are people so insensitive at times? I wonder where those so called "friends" are now? I don't know, I'm a bit distraught with their actions. I wasn't expecting that they'll be that cold or they don't care at all.

Did I even have a just a single imprint left that will make me feel important to you guys? I feel the worst. It feels like I've wasted a good amount of time. Nobody even cares. I just thought they did. I hate expecting. I hate trusting. I hate having to believe that I am important to anyone. It's hard, when people treat you like crap and you thought they treat you like really special.

This smile? Sheesh, they're all a facade. I'm kind of rotting away on the inside. It may appear that I'm fine, I have my own life. Maybe? I don't know myself.

I just wish that maybe a couple of people would make me feel that I'm important to them. (Boyfriend doesn't count here okay.) It's not easy when you just give, give, give. You sometimes forget that not all people deserve those effort. They might seem so at first, but when the real storm sets in, oh jesus,  it's like that you are perfectly a stranger to them.

I tried avoiding people like these, ever since I stepped in third year high school. I guess, we can never ever avoid these instances. Sigh sigh.

I miss my best friend already. She is one of the few persons that I can really really really trust. I don't know everything she does or say makes me feel instantly better. Everyone needs their sister from another mother hihi.

Meh, I should stop this and move on. I need to show them that I can do this thing. It's hard, but I'll do it. So God, help me. :)